Ask Ken: Talking to parents about their finances

Q: My parents are boomers and now retired. I am not sure about their financial situation and worry that they haven’t planned very well. How would you start a conversation about their future?

A: Talking about money is usually an uncomfortable topic regardless of who you are talking to, but especially with your parents. I am glad you are concerned about having a discussion with your parents. They may need to hear it from you that you are concerned with their financial wellness in their retirement.

You might take the approach of asking them about how they would like things handled if anything happened to them. You would like to make sure their wishes or plans could be carried out the way they would want them.

You might want to share your concerns about the possibility and need of long-term health care or assisted living, their health care decision for the future, and preparation for final expenses. Hopefully this approach will open up a conversation allowing an open discussion.

You need to be aware that this talk will not be easy to have because as most people get older, they get more controlling and anxious about protecting their privacy, especially when it comes to money.

Another approach would be to ask them for advice. For example, “I’m thinking about talking with a financial adviser about my will, power of attorney, estate planning, a burial trust, and long-term-care. Do you have any of that stuff and who did you talk to?" That may start the conversation you are looking for.

Hopefully the dialogue will begin and they will feel more comfortable discussing what their plans are and what they have in place. Then you can share your concerns that you would like to know what they would like you to be prepared for if something happens to them, such as disability, accident, need for long term care, or even death.

There are some key documents you should include in your conversations and maybe should even have copies of, such as their wills, durable powers of attorney for health care, medical insurance cards, social security cards, burial trusts and powers of attorney. Additionally, you should have a list of financial institutions, retirement or investment accounts, insurance policies and real estate holdings. Reassure them that you only want to know this information so you can make sure their wishes are honored.

If your parent or parents balk at sharing this information, don’t give up and try again in the next six months. I have personally been through both scenarios, one where the discussions were had and the communication was open and I knew what my parent’s wishes were, and another where the communication was not that open and prepared.

Trust me, emotionally and financially, knowing your parent’s wishes and being able to carry them out is much easier and will put your mind at ease.

Now that we have talked about your parents, have you done the planning you were hoping your parents have done? Have you had the same discussions with your children?

Need answers to your financial questions? Email Ken King, at ken_king47@yahoo.com. For budget and money issues, contact Consumer Credit Counseling Service at 920-458-3784 a United Way agency.